F A S C I N A T I O N
by Limey
Summary: Sick of reading crappy YxK, Limey and Navale decided to take matters into their own hands...and ridicule the genre in the process. (Uploaded again to make it PG-13. We realized we weren't that scandalous. :D)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: 

          We do not own Fruits Basket. However, we both have claimed a man each from the Sohma harem for ourselves. So I guess we own around 1/10th or something? Damn you, fractions... Anyhow, this is a spoof of all of the crappy shounen-ai Yukyou (HA! I made that up! If you can't figure that out you lose hope and do not pass go or collect $200). Why? Because, well, there are a lot of crappy Yuki x Kyou fics out there. Go and search for a good one, we dare you. Most of them are set on getting the hotties into bed. We'll show you a good rompin' time, get them in bed AND use good grammar. Watch us go...weeeee~

P.S. This is a COLLABORATION. In no way do either of us want to take the full blame for this story. Just keep that in mind, faithful reader, and enjoy to the best of your abilities. 

Oh, and if you didn't check the rating for this story—it's R. We strongly advise those of you that: 1) Can't take a joke 2) Are strongly opposed to shounen-ai/yaoi (male romance/sex…ALTHOUGH THERE IS NONE) and/or are 3) Under-age (seriously, kiddies, stay away…) to avoid this story. Turned off yet? Well, we can fix that ;) Read on. 

FYI! à

*...* Flashbacks (a.k.a., remembering hottness...oh yeah.)

'...' Inner thought (ponder ponder!)

(...) Author input (because they're hott. Yes.)

                                                                   * * * * * F A S C I N A T I O N * * * * *

                                                                   ...an epic romance by Limey and Navale

                                                                                       * * * * *

          Kyou awoke with a start, his lithe, tanned body covered in sweat. He sat up, breathing heavily, his head held between his hands. Trying to catch his ragged breath, he combed his vividly orange hair with his fingers. That damn dream again...he recovered his modesty slowly as he became more conscious, covering his nude body with a thin cotton sheet...a sheet that was a little too thin for his liking, and left nothing to the imagination. Kyou looked down at the sheet as his eyes became more focused, and turned crimson at the...err...natural reaction to his dream.

          Why that dream? Always, always he was haunted by The Dream. 

          It was The Dream always, capitalized in his mind because of its common occurrence and its hidden meaning. 'Although,' pondered the redhead, 'I suppose seeing Yuki naked isn't necessarily something you have to read into.' He cringed again at the visualization of his rival...and cursed at the pleasant flush of warmth that spread all over his cooling body. A body that, only moments ago, had been at its peak of pleasure. 'No, damn you!' he screamed inside of himself again. 'It was just a dream, Kyou! It never happened! You HATE Yuki! You never want him to...to...'

          *Pale, delicate hands roaming over Kyou's (extremely beautiful and very well built) pecs, gliding on his sweat-soaked skin, traveling down a well-worn path...* His sheet proved itself to be even thinner than first shown, and the teenage boy growled in frustration as he leapt out of his bed. What the hell time was it anyhow? He looked at his clock groggily in the darkness. 

          '5:00am. Damnit...might as well cool myself off before everyone else gets up. If anyone were ever to see me this flustered...' His mind silently filled in the name of the person he was most concerned about. Too tired to contradict his subconscious, he wearily grabbed a towel, wrapped it around his waist, and staggered off to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

                                                                                       * * * * * 

          Yuki awoke with a start, his lithe, delicate body covered in sweat. He rolled over onto his back, staring at the ceiling and barely concealing his ragged breaths. His beautiful (gorgeous, lovely, losing myself in them starting NOW) violet eyes dilated in shock...and abashed pleasure. A shiver ran through his body, and he absent-mindedly dragged his comforter over his naked body. 'I remember being wrapped in this comforter when I fell asleep...how did it end up at my feet?' 

          *Tanned, calloused hands slowly peeled the comforter off of his pale body, Kyou's eager breaths simmering on his neck like a possessive brand as he unwrapped his present...* Yuki shivered violently, torn between enjoying and hating the recollection of his dream. That damn dream again...

          Why that dream? Always, always he was haunted by The Dream. 

          It was The Dream to him, capitalized because...well, it sounded cool in his head. 'Just like making sweet sweet love to Kyou does...' Horrified at his straying subconscious thoughts, Yuki massaged his temples slowly with his slender hands. 'What am I thinking? What am I thinking? I love Honda-san...and I'm NOOOOOT GAAAAAAY...' 

          Ever since he was a wee one, his feminine appearance gave those around him--EVERYONE around him-- the wrong impression. But, reasoned his subconscious, ARE they wrong? 

          'I love Honda-san,' he chanted in return, the mantra continuous but frail. 'I love Honda-san...'

          'You may love her...but you want Kyou...and you know it. And your body aches--'

          Before the thought played itself out, Yuki shoved it violently to the back of his mind and sighed deeply, his eyes brimming with troubled emotion...much like an untamed tempest. What time was it again? He grabbed the clock near his bed and brought it to his range of sight. 

          '5:00am. Damnit.' Yuki stepped out of bed clumsily, his usually graceful movements hindered by his lack of sleep. The cold air hit the thin layer of sweat on his body, and he looked down with a flushed face at his...uh...eager companion. 'Damn. If I can get a quick cold shower before everyone else wakes up, I can forget all about this awful Dream.' His nether parts thought otherwise, obviously, and he snorted in disregard as he lazily wrapped a towel around his hips and headed sleepily toward the bathroom for his cold shower. *Oh...Kyou...*

          Make that an Arctic-cold shower.

                                                                                       * * * * *

          'Cold shower, cold shower, cold shower...' The ashen-haired boy nearly sleepwalked down the pitch black hallway.

          'Cold shower, cold shower, oh Lordy I need a cold shower...' Kyou walked briskly down the opposite side of the hallway, his hand holding his towel loosely. 

          They both heard footsteps heading in their direction. 'Footsteps?' they thought simultaneously. The thought was barely finished when they collided into each other, their towels dropped onto the hardwood floor in confusion as they both reached for the bathroom door...

          ...and ended up intertwining their hands in the process. Fiery red eyes met startled violet, as they jerked back their offending hand as if the door was awashed in flame. Shocked stutters and apologies followed as they tried to stand immediately afterwards, to show their invulnerability to the other. That is, of course, if standing naked in a hallway can retain any sort of pride. Yuki turned a most unbecoming shade of red and Kyou's cheeks rivaled his eyes in crimson tint as they bent forward to grab their respective towels, never wrenching their gaze from each other. Slowly, oh so slowly bending to reach their own scant piece of clothing...

          Before either of them knew what was happening, they had leaned into each other's lips, hungrily drinking in the familiar passion of Their Dream--for it was Their Dream now, and their reality. The towels were temporarily forgotten as Kyou's hands gently massaged Yuki's neck, losing himself in the arousing bliss of the moment. Parting Kyou's lips with a teasing lick of his tongue, Yuki knelt onto the floor and ran his hands down his rival's sculpted back, a moan floating softly from his mouth. It was a game of cat and mouse (how sexy...and punny...), and this time, the mouse was determined to lure the cat into his control. Yuki's pale, soft hands sauntered from the small of Kyou's back onto his stomach and onto his hips possessively, biting playfully at his lips. The cat gasped at the burning, intimate touch as his tongue delved into Yuki's mouth, his breath becoming more urgent. He lashed his arms around Yuki's slender waist achingly, wanting to be close to him, yet scared that the feel of his body would burst his own into sexual flame, sweet oblivion... Their, um, counterparts greeted each other roughly, and the feel of the other's...hm...hard presence snapped both boys back into their cruel reality. As their eyes opened again to the sight of the other, their hands slowly backed away from their bodies as they silently untangled themselves, reaching for their towels. 

          "You can have the shower," Kyou said gruffly, his breath coming in gasps. He averted his gaze as he turned around abruptly, wrapped his towel around himself again, and stalked off in the direction of his room. Yuki watched him go quietly, wiping his body with his towel before he slowly wrapped it around his hips. 

          'What the hell was that?'

          And why was he so heartbroken as he watched Kyou's figure fade back into the darkness? 

          'I love Honda-san...Tohru...don't I?' Finding his subconscious strangely quiet for once, the question remained unanswered as he opened the sliding bathroom door and stepped inside. Immediately, he leaned against the wall in sudden weakness and punched the sink counter, frustrated out of his mind. 

          'Don't I?'

                                                                                       * * * * * 

                                                                                        tsuzuku.

          Well, we hope you liked our first installment of F A S C I N A T I O N. Yes, you cannot abbreviate the title into FASC. or even FASCINATION or perhaps you are full of grammarly goodness like we are and want to call it Fascination. DON'T TAKE AWAY FROM THE EFFECT DAMN YOU!!! Ahem. Anyhow, unfortunately, there is more to come. Fortunately, however, we are giving you an indefinite break between this first chapter and the next one. And because Limey is psycho, she would like to reinstate the fact that this is a SPOOF. We're spoofing crappy shounen-ai/yaoi written about Yuki and Kyou...and testing the waters as Harlequin romance authors. ;D Neither of us wants this to be known as our defining work. Please. For the sake of all that is fluffy.

Comments? Critiques? Flames? Throw them our way, and don't be shy now, cupcake ;D

NEXT CHAPTER: 

          What are Kyou's thoughts as he leaves the infamous "Naked Sohma men in front of a bathroom door" scene? Tohru is slowly making her way down the hallway to take an early morning shower as always, before she cooks breakfast for Shigure, Yuki and Kyou. Will she slip on the cold, passionate sweat in front of the bathroom door? What will she say as she sees Yuki in the bathroom, half-clothed and flushed with unknown passion? And will Yuki finally admit he's a LEEEETLE gay? Stay tuned for the next episode of--

                                                                             F A S C I N A T I O N .........

3 Limey & Navale :D


	2. Chapter 2: Foolish Games

Disclaimer: 

          We do not own Fruits Basket. We repeat…we do not own Fruits Basket. All who oppose this statement have probably seen Yuki and Kyou handcuffed to our wrists at a local shopping center. Preferably Target. However, if you decided to pursue this accusation, you'd be wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. NYAAAAAAAH~

Ahem. **DO NOT TAKE THIS STORY SERIOUSLY. We are not trying to write a wonderful Yukyou (start the trend, folks, Yukyou fo-evah!) romance. We're being arses in trying to prove that there are few tolerable YxK stories out there, and we're making fun of how ridiculous some of them are by spoofing the genre. We have absolutely nothing against those of you that like this pairing, although we personally don't prefer it. (By the by, the two of us are both big fans of Tohru...sorry, we're not going to kill her off anytime soon, ye inquiring reviewer n_n). If you are a Yukyou fan and enjoy this spoof as real quality, more power to you. Either way, if you like it, we don't mind much :D  **

Alright! Don't forget that we've tinged this story with some _yaoi_ (are you familiar with the term? At the end of the story is a thorough definition, you'd be surprised at how wrong you might be), but are mainly spoofing _shounen-ai (again, see below). Enjoy to the best of your abilities._

FYI! -

*...* Flashbacks (a.k.a., remembering hottness...oh yeah.)

'...' Inner thought (ponder ponder!)

(...) Author input (because they're hott. Yes.)

                                                                   * * * * * F A S C I N A T I O N * * * * *

                                                                   ...an epic romance by Limey and Navale

                                                                                      * * * * *

                                                                   **       CHAPTER II : FOOLISH GAMES**

          Tohru awoke with a start, her flushed, petite body covered in layers of fluffy pink lace. She blinked, slightly befuddled, as the sunlight filtered into her room and lighted her infallible smile. She loved waking up early to hear the bluebirds sing sweetly outside of her second-story bedroom, and leaned over to open the window and let the dewy morning air in. Her songbirds chirped happily as three of them flew to Tohru's bedside, their pleasant song suddenly blurring the room with fuzzy white bubbles and a sound slowly vamping in the background, sounding very suspiciously like the beginning of a musical sequence. Tohru smiled (does she ever stop smiling?) magnanimously as the birds hopped onto her outstretched arm. 

            "I'm sorry, Huggles," she said regretfully to the bird on her index finger, bringing him close to her lips and kissing his soft, feathery head. "I have to make an extremely delicious breakfast for Shigure, Yuki and Kyou...I don't have time for a musical number right now. Perhaps tomorrow?" The bubbles disappeared and the musical vamp died as the birds nodded understandingly before flying out of the window, for they, as she, must start the new day. Tohru sighed happily as she pushed her comforter away from her body, turning to plant her feet on the ground as she stood up. She knew that she usually woke up right on time; however, she felt as if she had awakened earlier than usual. She checked her pink wall clock.

            '5:17am...Oh good! Since I'm up earlier than usual, I can make an _extra-special breakfast for them!' Her daily routine usually started with a crisp, cool shower to stimulate her senses and keep her energy high as usual. She hummed a tune softly to herself as she unbuttoned her modest nightgown, the cool morning breeze striking her milky, feminine skin as she reached for her bathrobe. 'Wait a second,' she thought, a trifle confused. 'Morning...breeze?' The silken-haired girl realized with horror that her window was still wide open—with her standing absolutely naked in front of it. Usually, because of the remote location of Shigure's house, this would not be a problem...except for the fact that the newspaper boy was riding across the clearing. He looked up at her, a smile on his face as he prepared to greet Miss Tohru with a cheerful 'Good Morning!' At seeing her naked (and quite shapely, might we add) body, his nose gushed like a fountain of blood as he slammed into a tree, his eyes focusing on her...er..._tracts of land_. She turned as pink as her comforter as she quickly wrapped herself in her bathrobe, spazzing wordlessly at how awful the day had just become. Gathering her wits about her, she tied her robe around her waist very tightly and headed for the bathroom. 'I don't think that I could have had a worse start to my day,' Tohru thought glumly, her mouth slightly frowning. 'At least this shower will clear my thoughts and make me feel much better!' Her hand strayed to her bathrobe pocket, where a pair of sunny yellow ribbons brushed softly against her fingers. _

            'Yuki...' The ribbons were never far from her at any time, and a smile that felt a little silly grew on her face unconsciously. Speaking of things that make her feel much better... she shook her head violently in the hallway to clear her muddled thoughts, but a small smile still remained. 'No matter what happened a few minutes ago, today is going to be a great day!' She opened the door to the bathroom, her cheeks slightly flushed...

            The door slammed open with a bang as her eyes opened wide in shock at the sight of her housemate (or perhaps more? Muaha...ha.), his violet-grey hair pasted limply to his sweat soaked forehead. He was clutching the counter with a shaking hand, his other barely holding up a thin towel over his...um...family jewels. With the sudden snap of the door, he looked up at Tohru with the eyes of a startled animal—and another expression she couldn't read...guilt? What should he feel guilty about? 

            "Tohru," he whispered, his voice cracking as he realized his blatant informality. Tohru's face burned, the sound of her name on his lips more pleasing than she had ever imagined.  She took in a shallow breath, confused. 

            "Yuki...kun?"

                                                                                                            * * * * * 

            'Oh God.' 

            Kyou awoke with a start, his sweat-soaked body—

           ( Limey: Wait. Is it just us, or is this entrance getting a little old? 

             Navale: He's already awake, stupid. 

             Limey: Oh right! :D I'm just the writer. You keep track of the plot.

             Navale: Right-o. Shall we start over again? )

                                                                                                            * * * * * 

            (Take 2. OH MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY! THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!!!!! **GOOOOMEN NASAAAAAAIIIII**~)

            'Oh God.'  Kyou leaned against the wall, his legs shaking. He attempted to calm himself down with a few deep breathing techniques that Kazuma-sensei had taught him, but they only succeeded in making him more light-headed than before. Of course, not even Kyou was very sure that his light-headedness was from the breathing techniques or the intensity of what had just happened.

            He could still feel Yuki's tender lips on his, the delicious tango of tongues that had sparked electricity he neither could nor would easily forget for a long time. 'Long time?' he thought, a bit sadly. He didn't want it to be a long time, all of a sudden—

            "ARGH!" He grabbed at his skimpy towel in frustration, bunching the towel in his fist and throwing it to the ground. What need had he for modesty, especially after that display? He ran his hand, still damp with sweat, through his hair as he let out breath he didn't know he had been holding in. "What was I thinking? What was I _doing?" he whimpered, falling to his knees softly. He was a tortured soul, trapped in his indecision. Should he pretend as if nothing had happened? Or should he confront Yuki about their encounter? One path denied him the sweet sexual pleasure and completion he had felt and fully indulged himself in. However, the normalcy of his life that he had worked so hard for would remain. On the other hand, he could explore that addictive spark he knew the two of them shared—his Dream could become a reality for more than just a fleeting, beautiful moment. The simple thought of waking up with Yuki in his arms, his soft breath tickling his neck, and 'tickling' a few other things as well... no, he couldn't deny that he had enjoyed the experience, just as he couldn't deny the endless depth of Yuki's violet eyes. _

            *Kyou traced Yuki's jawline with a careful finger, the feel of his lover's soft skin burning an ache in his...uh...loins. His fiery eyes, usually burning with fervor, were gently subdued with tenderness as he stared into breathtaking violet. Those beautiful eyes crinkled softly as Yuki smiled at him, and Kyou held him as close as he could while still being able to gaze upon his face. How he loved that smile...he couldn't really remember when that smile had started to mean more to him than the usual cocky grins, but now, as he slowly leaned into Yuki and kissed him lightly on his lips, he wondered that there _was a time that he hated seeing him smile. The simple kiss became more heated as the man in his arms responded eagerly to his advances, and Kyou pulled away with a teasing smirk, silently drinking in the beauty of his partner with happiness he didn't attempt to hide. _

            'Down, boy,' he said, his eyes half-lidded. Yuki returned his smirk before licking his neck from the collarbone to the jaw, slowly letting his tongue saunter on the underside of his jawline. He breathed onto the wet skin, eliciting a soft moan from Kyou before he could stop it. 

            'Down?' Yuki asked politely, his countenance absolutely innocent. His finger wandered down Kyou's chest and under the sheets before Kyou could stop him—not that he wanted to, knowing what was going to happen. He claimed Yuki's lips yet again, his body flustered with building ecstacy. 

            'You know what I meant, you little minx,' he snarled, his voice raspy with desire. Yuki smiled again simply, his eyes, once sweet with child-like innocence, now veiled with lust. 

            'I know what you want,' he breathed, his hand around Kyou's...urm...staff. 'I know what you _need...' *_

            If Kyou had kept his towel on, he would have made a pretty damn good tent.

                                                                                                            * * * * * 

            "Tohru," he whispered, shaken with the shock of seeing her in the condition he was in. His mind reeled at the informality he had chosen to address her by; she, fortunately and unfortunately, seemed to be more preoccupied with other things. 

            "Yuki...kun?" she breathed, tears springing to her eyes. (Why is Tohru crying? Most anime women do at the sight of a nearly naked boy. I know _I'd be crying out of sheer joy…anyhow, I digress…) Yuki couldn't meet her questioning gaze, couldn't look into her pristine blue eyes without feeling as if he'd done something very... _naughty_, to say the least. His head hung in guilt as he fiddled with the towel wrapped hazardously around his waist._

          "Honda-san, I'm...I...uh..." She blushed profusely, frozen with shock and embarassment, then proceeded to bow as many times as she could manage. Yuki became even more flustered as he realized her robe was, indeed, very low cut--and had no support to boot. His mind drifted back to the events that had occurred before Tohru's untimely appearance, and he remembered the touch of Kyou's tan, slick chest at his fingertips. Something in him was revolted at how dirty the act was, kept screaming of the injustice he had done Tohru. _How can you claim to love her...be worthy of her..._ Oh, how his heart and libido were torn to shreds! He wept inwardly at the conflict within himself. _I love her...I do. But I **want** him._

          No, he simply could not deny that what had happened meant a great deal to him...and something in him told him that Kyou had not taken their passionate embrace lightly, either. Yuki recalled the passion, the utter _need and __ecstasy flowing like free energy from their panting bodies into the air; he shivered. __What a mess._

          Tohru watched Yuki struggle within himself, grieving as she felt the wall between them rise yet again. What could he be thinking of? If this had been like any other morning, she would wistfully hope that his pure, virginal thoughts would be of her. Today he seemed frazzled—distracted. And his attire was certainly less than virginal, she decided with a little sigh. She waited for him to break out of his reverie, her heart still beating in her ears like a Brazilian mambo. 

          _Oh—oh no!_ she thought frantically, her hands flying to her head in panic. _He...he wanted to take a nice, relaxing, morning shower—and then I barged in on his privacy! This is all my fault!_ Tohru unknowingly said the last exclamation out loud in her distress, and Yuki shoved off his inner angst in surprise. She turned to the door, her head hung low—_Oh goodness! This is such a low-cut robe!_—and started to leave.

          "I'm sorry, Yuki-kun, I promise I'll announce myself before ever entering the bathroom again," she trembled, still on the verge of tears. 

          "Honda-san, this isn't your fault," Yuki said softly, securing the towel around his waist as best he could. He started to walk towards her slowly, each step bringing them closer...and yet miles apart. _Kyou...Kyou, you little minx, what have you done to me?_

          "It's okay, Yuki-kun, I'll be more polite—" She reached for the door, only to be pulled back roughly by her shoulder and into the adjacent wall. Tohru couldn't look him in the eyes. She had done him such a disservice...she was so ashamed...and she was crying so hard, she probably wouldn't have been able to see him anyway. 

          "Honda-san," he said intensely, his jaw tight. "Honda-san, none of this is your fault, okay? If the fault had to lie with any of us, it would be mine..." _Mine, and mine alone. Alone._ Even though he had Tohru's constant support and love, there were times that he simply could not avoid or be protected from. Times in which he felt nothing but alone, and acutely so. He found himself aching for Kyou's protective embrace, his moans, his body...the part of himself that he had never known before this morning, embedded in Kyou's fiery eyes. 

          It wasn't just attraction, he realized with horror, his face becoming even more pale than snow. (Limey: Haha, I'm punny! *gets whapped by Navale's steel fan*) There was feeling there. A feeling that, he admitted with growing dread, he wanted to know more about. 

          "NO!" he shouted, his forehead bearing down upon her collarbone. Tohru felt him shaking and she choked back a sob, her hand drifting to rest on his silvery head of hair. He was hurting so much...

          "Tohru," he whispered again. His eyes met hers, and she could not look away. He leaned closer to her, his breath tickling her nose, as he lifted his head to kiss her. 

          _This is right...this is how it should be, Yuki, you know that. Kyou means nothing to you, nothing at all... And you'll prove it with this kiss._

tsuzuku. 

                                                                                                            * * * * *

Limey:  Ohohohohohoho~ Cliffhangers are essential to any Harlequin romance parodies, dontcha know? (As are Minnesooo-an accents.)  Well that was fun. We've been sort of busy so this one took a little longer—but it's 2AM, and it's finally over! OOOOOVER!!!!! *cries happy tears of Yukyou joy* 

Navale: Noooooo! What are you doing?!? We have to write around 3 more chapters of this smut!! And now that you've finished writing this, that means I have to plan out the NEXT one! AAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! ;_;

Anyhow...well, we're both really quite tired right now and have nothing witty to say. I think we spent all our brains being witty during the story, which consequently means we will not be able to function on our own for the next 48 hours. Find our plugs and an ISP port, please... oh, and here's our long-winded explanation of yaoi vs. shounen-ai. Pay attention or we'll come after you with sticks and other various weapons of violence.

Ahem. _Shounen-ai and yaoi are very different. Why is this so funny to us? Because people seem to use these terms interchangeably. You see, shounen-ai literally means pretty boy love. This refers to what Ayame calls OTOKO NO ROMANSHU (male romance). Yaoi, however, is usually a term for male sexual romance/male sexual encounter stories. Although yaoi is currently being used to indicate male romance by many, usually yaoi advertises homosexual erotica, or full-blown sex. "GASP!" you say. "I've described my shounen-ai story as yaoi instead? Will this give people the wrong impression?" Well…when we see somebody advertise their story as yaoi…uh, yeah, yeah, it really does give the wrong impression, dear, sorry. ;) Why is this listed as a funny fact? Well, loyal reader, it's because this is such a common mistake in the shounen-ai genre that it's a little humorous. Pardon us for being educated snots. n_n (Navale: That's what happens when you go to college…)_

NEXT CHAPTER: 

          Navale: I HAVEN'T PLANNED THIS YET!!!

          Limey: No spoilers for YOU, silly reader! Bwahahahaha~

          Navale: Hint. It involves Kyou's tent and Yuki's camping trip…

          Limey: Wow, I'm going to be sick. O_o; 

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF... F A S C I N A T I O N !!!!!!!! 

3 Limey and Navale


	3. Chapter 3: Yuki Roughs It Up

Disclaimer: 

          Fruits Basket not ours. Get it? Got it? Good. IST GOOT, JA? Oh, and by the way…_Guten Morgen_ means 'Good Morning' in German. Keep that in mind, and reflect upon it as a type of 'Letter/Number of the Day', a la Sesame Street. 

          Gee, what can we say other than…next time, pink fuzzy handcuffs would probably be less chaffing on the skin. Ahem. 

FYI! -

*...* Flashbacks (a.k.a., remembering hottness...oh yeah.)

(...) Author input (because they're hott. Yes.)

                                                                   * * * * * F A S C I N A T I O N * * * * *

                                                                   ...an epic romance by Limey and Navale

                                                                                        * * * * *

                                                                       **CHAPTER III : YUKI ROUGHS IT UP**

          Yuki awoke with a start, his sore, dirt-streaked body covered in sweat. He rose slowly, the makeshift bed upon the pine needles digging slightly into his pale, delicate skin, bearing a slight resemblance to acupuncture. What the hell was going on? Suddenly, the tent rustled a little bit as someone grunted next to him. Only then did Yuki realize with growing horror that he was naked, had a hangover, and had absolutely no recollection of last night. 

          Uh…why was he in a tent naked?

          The sound of a lighter and the satisfied sigh of a post-coital smoke reached his ears next, and he turned slowly (as not to upset his growing headache) to see Kyou with a satisfied smirk on his face, cigarette dangling sexily out of his mouth. 

          "I never knew you were one for the outdoors, baby," he murmured slightly, his hand running down Yuki's bare arm. "We almost brought the tent down last night—the pole was a little too unsteady for me to hancuff you to, I admit…"

          "C-Camping? We're CAMPING? WE'RE CAMPING NAKED?" 

          "The camping trip _was_ your idea, Yuki…" The smoke curled around the tent, slightly suffocating Yuki's senses and threatening to trigger an asthma attack. His eyes got wider, if possible.

          "You mean we…you and I…" He looked at the wooden pole desolately as a pair of handcuffs gleamed mischieviously. If inanimate objects could wink dirtily… "But—but Kyou, I'm a…I'm a…"

          Kyou blew more smoke out of his mouth coolly, his tongue languishing slowly over his pink lips. "You're a virgin? Not anymore. Not by a long shot." Yuki's jaw dropped, and it took all he had in him to not lose consciousness out of shock. He tried to grab at a sleeping bag, but found that it was mysteriously weighed down. Instead, he curled up into a little ball and glared at Kyou over his knees. 

          "How can you be so calm about this? Aren't you the LEAST bit perturbed at the fact that we are CAMPING with NO CLOTHES, NO SUPPLIES that I remember...and all you brought for the occasion was alcohol and…and _handcuffs???" _

          "And cigarettes, honey, to calm you down," Kyou muttered, "although I seem to be using them more than you are."

          "I HAVE ASTHMA! DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE?!?" Kyou put his finger to Yuki's mouth to quiet him, then softly traced the other boy's lips before slowly inserting the digit into Yuki's mouth. He played with the finger gently, tonguing the softly calloused pad while sucking steadily…wait…

          _Why does this feel so familiar? _He spat out Kyou's finger and looked up at him with even more horror than he had ever felt in his life.

          "OH MY GOOOOOOD!!!" Kyou's eyebrow twitched and he took another puff, rolling his eyes. 

          "Quiet down already, Yuki," he said smoothly, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I've still got a headache too…at least YOU passed out after a while. I was kept up all night…" 

          "And what was SO important that kept YOU up the whole time?" Yuki said, aghast. The sleeping bag rustled again, and a hand suddenly appeared on his shoulder. 

          "Silly! That was me, of course!" Yuki froze, his eyes the size of saucers. Very violet, horrified saucers. 

          "You're way too cheerful this early in the morning, you know that?" Kyou said gruffly, glaring. The young boy grinned, shaking his head roughly to free his golden-blonde hair of pine needles. And Yuki's horrified saucers spilled over with sad, sad tears. 

          "_Guten Morgen!!!_" 

tsuzuku.

*****

          Uh. *clears throat* 

          Navale: DIDN'T WE TELL YOU THERE WOULD BE A CAMPING TRIP?!? *laugh evilly*

          Ehe, well…we started writing the story a little too late in the day—more like 10pm, actually—and a spoof idea for the beginning of the third chapter actually became a chapter of its own. More like an interlude, shall we say. Besides, we're still working on getting the third chapter up, and we were so appreciative of the comments we've been getting, we decided to throw a little treat out for y'alls. ;) Yes, we know that this is QUITE disturbing. We're actually a little horrified ourselves. *evil grin* Yes…_very_ horrified. 

          Navale: Let's play a quick game of Clue for those of you that didn't catch who the third Sohma was at the very end!

                    **Was it MOMIJI with the DEVIRGINIZED YUKI in KYOU'S TENT?**

            *cries* This has absolutely NOTHING to do with the actual story. Isn't it frightening how we can parody a parody? Wait, don't try to follow that. Anyhow, the REAL third chapter will be here soon. Until then… _Gute Nacht (good night). Har har har~_

3 Limey & Navale


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